


What'll You Do For Loving When it's Only Just Begun

by Honey_Rae_Pluto



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Child Abuse, Childhood Friends, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Past Child Abuse, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:00:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27093919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honey_Rae_Pluto/pseuds/Honey_Rae_Pluto
Summary: The four of them had known each other for years, they'd been best friends for years. But now things were starting to go wrong, their pasts and futures where closing in faster than ever before and there seemed to be no escape, no way of keeping their friendship going through it all.AKA, the dark verse to the Childhood friends/ high school au that's been running on my tumblr
Relationships: Brian May/Roger Taylor, John Deacon/Freddie Mercury
Comments: 58
Kudos: 81





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya, please mind the warnings: this is a dark verse. This chapter isn't graphic, but there are references to past child abuse, implied rape, negative attitudes towards that and teenage parenting.
> 
> Just to clarify, the characters are underage but there is no sexual content of any kind in any flashbacks, but there's still going to be a lot of other problems from their past, coming up.
> 
> Thank you to the amazing @Pheonix_Queen for beta reading!
> 
> Uh, final few things, I don't know yet if this is going to be a full length story or just random chapters taken out of context. I do have plans for there to be a normal universe of this posted here along side it, but we'll see how the reaction goes and if it's something people like or not ect.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoy; I'd love to see some feedback either here or on my page, and will still be running requests for this.

The four of them had always lived close by, but they left as distant as ever.

Freddie lived at the top of the hill, the part of the road that started to curl in to make the cul-de-sac, with John living on the corner of a square patch opposite. Down the road Brian and Roger lived as neighbours.

They’d been the closest of friends growing up, from primary through high school never wavering. They’d gotten each other through all sorts of family problems with no sign of the group weakening. That changed in their final year.

Roger looked across his window to Brian’s across the garden. He could always see Brian's from his window. That hasn’t been the case lately. He couldn’t really stand the sight of him now. None of them could.

He remembered the days when his dad was still living with them, those days he'd run across to Brian's window knowing it was always open for him. With Brian always keeping a spare pillow and blanket ready just in case.

Seems like years ago now.

Long before they got all grown up, more or less. In the time before Freddie and John hooked up, before Brian started dating the nasty cow that had split him away.  
They haven’t spoken in months. Roger couldn’t remember the last time the four of them had been in the same place amicably. Yet he could pinpoint the moment it went downhill. When Brian's girlfriend revealed her pregnancy.

Of course the whole school gave him crap for it to the point he started studying from home. He caused a scandal that he couldn’t escape. Dating one of the popular girls who had a reputation was one thing, but getting her pregnant? That had been enough to lose him almost everything.

He was supposed to be the scholar. The one doing work beyond his years with a definite entry to University. Making everyone proud. Not throwing it all in the bin. 

The others had tried to talk to him, everyone had, but his girlfriend had puppet strings on him. She pulled him away the second anyone tried to get close.

He was taken so far away on these strings that no one could see the painted smile chip away.

He followed after her like an apologetic shadow and doing as he was told. Even after she cheated, screamed at him, and told him to stay with her no matter what. He just stayed with her.

Even when they were trying to get him back he wouldn’t budge. Every time someone suggested anything that might help, Brian cut them off, or just walked out on the conversation altogether. He made himself a bubble no one could get into. Just him, the girl, and the baby.

So they all just stopped.

They were all subtly told by their parents to not get involved. That they should concentrate on their studies and not worry about Brian. Every school has teen parents and he would be a dropout. A surprising one, but nothing out of the ordinary. Roger doesn’t know when they had started believing this.

But it seemed to be their reality. She’d been a bad influence and now there was no going back for Brian. Why get involved? No one wanted to end up on the same road. And it wasn’t like he was accepting help from anyone.

Somehow that had turned into a battlefield. Freddie and John were more preoccupied with themselves, Roger didn't want more conflict, and Brian was with her most of the time. Now the lack of communication had become anger, an unspoken resentment towards him which he seemed to reciprocate. 

The fabulous four seemingly no more. A natural end: felt like shit though.

Roger watched as the light went out in Brian’s room. Perhaps he should just go over, one last time. Window would probably be locked anyway. What’s the worst that could happen? As much as he hoped it was locked, that he’d go back to bed to sleep and not care about him, deep down he wanted so badly for it not to be. Maybe just nostalgia.

Or feelings he’d wanted to kill.

Carefully he got out of his window, landing on the garage roof. From there it was a jump to the May’s outhouse, then up onto the flat balcony type thing under his window. He wondered how he even discovered this route as a child. How many times has he done it in tears? Sobbing as his parents argued and he made his escape.

He’d never done this so calm. He’d always been in a state, needing the calmness he hoped Brian still had.

He put his hand up to the window, seeing the curtains now closed inside. Looks like he wasn’t scared of the dark anymore. Or it wasn’t the worst fear out there. Did he care?

Gently he pushed at the glass, feeling it give. Had Brian left it open?

Roger stayed cautious as he entered. There was still a chair under the window, just like there always had been. Brian was sitting up in bed, watching him in the dark silently as he climbed in.

What could he possibly say?

“You knew I was coming?”

“I always left the window open for the bad days,” Brian told him steadily, “I never imagined you would though.”

Roger nodded, carefully getting down from the chair, closing the window behind him. The bad days? They only ever did this as kids, when Roger was scared, didn’t they? Had there been more occasions when Brian had opened the window for him?

Had he been waiting for him?

“Roger,” Brian broke him away from his thoughts, “If you’ve come to gloat, I don’t want to hear it. Not now.”

“I haven’t. I just… I just wanted to see you.” Was that true? It felt true as he said it, his brain working steps behind his heart. Working behind his anger too, but that was still there.

“It’s tomorrow, you know,” Brian settled back, casually talking as if they had never stopped being friends. Talking as if it had nothing to do with him. “The… eh, the baby. That’s all happening tomorrow.”

“Jesus, fuck, mate.” the blond stared, already? It hadn’t occurred to him that this was how it concluded. Not really. He should’ve known, obviously, but it didn’t seem right. No matter how much he knew what the pregnancy had meant, what it would mean: he couldn’t fathom it happening.

“That’s good, isn’t it?”

“I suppose so,” Brian shrugged, “Everything just gets dusted under the carpet after tomorrow. Like it never happened. I don’t think it’ll work though. No normalcy after something like this. I don’t know how I’m meant to be going to school again, or even just talking to people after this. It’s just going to end though. No more problems after tomorrow, that’s what they keep telling me.”

“You and her aren’t keeping it then,” Roger perched on the side of his bed, his foot knocking accidentally against the spare blanket and pillow hidden under the bed. He’d been waiting then.

Fuck knows how long for.

“We’re not together, there’s no point. Neither of us could be parents, even if there was love involved,” Brian admitted, “You were right, I was just a rebound for her. She’s back with Simon now.”

“How could you not have seen that?”

“Can you have a go at me some other day? I’ve a lot to think about and that’s without the whole situation with her.”

“She did just use you for a quick shag, backfired on her though. I assume a baby wasn’t part of the plan,” Roger said pointedly, “Did you love her? She didn’t love you. She’s never loved anyone.”

“Fuck off, will you?” Brian’s expression turned, “I really don’t want to talk about it. It wasn’t in my control.”

“How wasn’t it?” They couldn’t yell and wake up his parents, that was the only thing stopping the argument from escalating, “You let her use you, you wouldn’t even let us in.”

“Roger-”

“No, no. You let her basically rip us all away and you didn’t even fight? I know you fancied her, but did our friendships mean so little?”

“Roger, please.”

“And then you don’t talk to us until you’ve already knocked her up? You fucked up. Was her love worth it?” Roger hadn’t intended to be so angry. But now he thought about it, Brian would never have loved him.

And that hurt more than the silence.

“Brian, you didn’t just abandon us,” he continued, “You made a choice. Bimbo over us. I thought you’d be smarter than that. You let her ruin everything with no attempt to stop her. I know you know that was wrong, we all thought that you’d have told her no-”

“She doesn’t listen to no!” Brian snapped, breathing steadily through his nose, hands gripped onto the sheets, “She has no concept of stop.”

“Brian, what did she do?” Roger looked at him, cogs turning in his head; the way he looked at her had never been in love.

It was in fear.

“Just stop - it doesn’t matter. Get out if it’s too difficult for you.”

“What did you mean before? Brian talk to me.”

“Nothing, just get out,” Brian shook his head, edging further away from him, “Roger, please, I’m a man. It doesn’t count.”

Roger wasn’t planning on leaving. Not now. He wanted to take back the anger, now he could see in better. He wanted Brian to tell him what happened. He knew there was no use in telling him he was wrong about it, not after they’d all been blaming him for months.

Was that how long the window had been unlocked for? The last few months hoping someone would come and get him cause there was no way he’d be able to get out himself?

Or had Brian left the window open every bad day for years? Had he been waiting on those nights just for nothing to happen? Sitting patiently everytime Roger had come in bruised and hurt, never saying anything less than a comforting word.

Gently he grabbed the pillow and blanket from under the bed, placing them beside Brian, lying down under the blanket. Same blanket as he had slept under the last time he’d been slapped across the face by his father.

He’d take that now.

“So, the baby,” Roger tried a different approach, “Is there adoptive parents yet?”

“...No,” Brian still didn’t look at him, “No, he’ll go into care, I guess.”

“They’ll find someone for him,” Roger told him softly, “I’m sure he’ll be looked after.”

“I know… But he’ll always know someone didn’t love him. It’ll fuck him up, probably end up doing god knows what stereotypical crime, just the sort of kid they tell you is the cause of the world’s problems, no future, no job. I don’t want him to just be part of the cycle.”

Roger sighed. So he’d been thinking about it.

“It’s not even like I’m picking between my future or his,” Brian finally turned to look at him, “There’s nothing I can do, it’s her that picks. I’ll just have to live with it, go to uni next year knowing what’s been left. I’d be in classes like everyone else, but I’d have a son who won’t even know me.”

“Hey, Brimi,” Roger reached for his hand, “It’ll be okay. It’ll be a long night if you don’t try to sleep.”

Brian nodded numbly. Something else just getting swept under the carpet. “I get to see him, you know, just for ten minutes, just if I want to.”

“Do you?”

“Haven’t a clue. Dad says not to, it’ll only make things worse. Out of sight out of mind. I figured as much. I know i won’t ever be his father, nothing more than biology, but I’d like to at least know what he looks like.”

“Don’t not do it cause he tells you to, decide for yourself.”

The curly haired man seemed to nod, turning onto his side to face Roger. There was no way he’d actually get any sleep tonight, but at least he wasn’t alone with his mind.

“Stay?”

“Course, just until morning, like always.”

***

The next morning he had kept his promise, slipping out while Brian slept. There were a lot of questions still, and he knew he had to go talk to Freddie and John about it, make sure they would relent if not talk to him.

He considered phoning Brian, just to know what was going on, but he didn’t want to step in. Didn’t want to bring more feelings into the overflow.

He looked over that night, seeing the light on in his room again.

Roger made his way over just like the previous day, slowly opening the window and creeping in. Brian had his back to the window, the room too dark to see much else.

But the chair was still there, and the window was still open: so he wasn’t unwelcome. He hoped.

Roger felt around on the floor for the blanket, finding it in the same place he’d left it (folded up though). Carefully he settled on the other side of the bed, not wanting to startle Brian.

Just for a second he could pretend they were a couple, a proper grown up couple that had been together for years, he could pretend it was a house of their own, still living in the same daydream he’d had since the first time he’d found himself here, years before now.

His thoughts were broken by the sound of a baby crying.


	2. Chapter 2

"Can I hold him?"

They were already at the ten minute mark, the social workers were getting impatient and he really had to leave.

But he couldn't tear his eyes away.

The baby was so tiny, big blue eyes he knew all babies had making him half wish it was someone else who was the mother... He could see the dark curls under the bobble hat, just like his.

His son. Just waiting for the vultures.

"Sit down," one of the nurses so far had been nice to him, made his parents wait outside, let him ask away, "let him feel your skin, it's good for him."

Brian watched in slow motion as she handed him the baby, feeling his warmth against him. He didn't know why he was so surprised that the poor thing moved and squirmed around, the tiniest little hand holding his collar tightly.

As if he could let go, even if he wanted to.

He stayed just like that for a couple of long minutes, tears blurring his vision as he studied every fragment of his child, his dad getting closer to the door outside.

"Come on now," he didn't have to look up to know the look on his father's face, the cold indifference that masked bitter disappointment, "Just leave it, we've got to get home."

"It?" Brian glanced up finally, the baby whimpering against him, "He's not an it, my baby's not an it."

"Not your baby either," Harold shook his head, "Let him go, your future is more important."

"More than his?"

"Yes," Harold answered quickly, "You're clever, you can't drop that because of a mistake, this is your only chance to correct the issue."

Oh it was, Brian knew. This was his only chance to give the baby a decent life, away from the clinical pens that would be his home otherwise. Away from the clipboards and lanyards that would tick him into a box for the rest of his life.

He looked at his baby, he wasn't going to let go now.

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"No." Brian repeated, "I said no."

***

He had to be given a spare car seat by the hospital, he couldn’t even drive himself yet, the little baby next to him in the back.

He could hear his parents talking about what they’d do, whether or not they should adopt the kid as their own; try to spare him the indignity. But what was the point? Everyone already knew.

Brian ignored them as they listed all the things he’d need to get, how they would take his own baby stuff down from the attic: but that if he needed anything else he had to get it with his own money. Brian just nodded when they were talking to him about continuing school; he could get a job later - they certainly wouldn’t be child care though. They told him hundreds of times in that car journey that they wanted nothing to do with the baby.

The baby was asleep, curled up in his little baby grow, little blue eyes shut, sleeping for now. He’d been given a few things, things he’d need for the first while until they could buy their own, but still, he didn’t feel prepared.

Brian had sat awkwardly in his living room once they got home, his dad making an ordeal of getting things from the attic, his mum looking at him every few minutes as if she wanted to convince him to change his mind, but never actually going through with it.

He’d taken a few pictures on his phone, just his son snoozing away in the hospital when no one was there to tell him off. There was no one to send them to, no one liked him anymore, but they were his, and his baby was his - that's all he cared about.

That night he did what he could, not feeling at all like a dad. He felt younger than he had in years, giving the baby a bottle with shaking hands, googling how best to soothe him, changing and bathing the little one carefully, looking back at his mum to make sure he was doing it right, cringing every time the baby cried.

How the hell was he going to do this?

He tried to imagine Fred and John, they’d be at school right now, Roger too. They’d be in a lesson bored, messing around. Would they have saved his seat? Probably not. Would they have replaced him outright?

That night he went to sleep early, about nine pm. They hadn’t had time to build the crib, so the poor thing was just going to sleep in his bed. Brian changed his son first, swaddling him after half an hour of attempts, getting into old star wars pyjamas himself.

He didn’t sleep well, too nervous watching over his boy, making sure he was breathing properly and not getting a temperature, that he wasn’t lying funny or whimpering. He really didn’t want to fuck this up.

He’d only fallen half asleep when he heard someone slamming onto the shed roof. He never told Roger that he didn’t have the grace he thought he did, even years later, in some way these meetings had never existed. They never talked about it, like a dream - they just happened.

He heard Roger coming in, not daring to move in case he woke the baby. He felt the bed behind him (the single bed that was already too small for the two of them, but far too squished with the baby) go down, a soft body press into his back.

They had a peaceful few minutes, for a moment he must’ve fallen asleep properly, his mind letting him believe for a moment he was older.

It felt so, so real for a moment, they were older, had proper jobs and lived in a proper house, him and Roger. The others were across the street, just like always, a little green area just like the one they’d played on as kids - but this one had swings and slides and seesaws, their own little kids would love it. He was cuddling the baby, his and Roger’s, just while Roger was resting. The blond would tell him to stop hogging the baby in a moment - he’d smile, their little one would have everything.

But the baby crying woke him up, shattering the dream.

No, he was sixteen, lying in his childhood bed holding his newborn son, his ex-best-friend lying behind him. He had fuck all.

Roger sat up as soon as he'd heard it, startling Brian again.

"You kept him? You said he was going to the council people."

"I know," Brian picked the baby up carefully, trying to rock him, "I couldn't though."

"Do you even know what you're doing? You don't have any stuff for him, you're still in school." Roger watched as the baby got louder, picking up the situation.  
"I couldn't let him go... They were so cold and clinical when they were talking, he was just a statistic. I couldn't let him go."

Brian was stressed almost to tears by that point, not knowing how to answer the questions everyone was throwing at him, not knowing how to stop his baby crying. He could ask for help, but what was the point of taking the child if he needed help? What sort of parent was he?

Not a good one. He was sure.

"Hey, hey," he pressed his lips to the baby's head, "I'm here. You're safe, bub. It's just Rog, you're safe with me."

Roger softened, they were definitely a sight to see, "Hey kid," he ran his fingertip over the baby's cheek, the poor thing now just whimpering, "He looks like you."

"I guess yeah..." Brian was still shushing him, "my baby boy..."

"What's his name?"

“Eden…” Brian glanced at him, shocked to see Roger looking so… soft. He looked so gentle, like he wasn’t disgusted by it, “Eden Atlas May.”

“Magic garden map month,” Roger nodded, smiling a little, “I think I’ll call him maps, won’t get lost then.”

Brian smiled a little, the baby was still crying, and he still didn’t have a clue how to stop that, but it had been a long time since Roger had joked about with him. He turned back to Eden, he’d changed him not long ago, food? Was that what he was saying?

“I’ve got to take him down for a bottle,” Brian got out of bed, glancing at Roger, “You don’t have to stay, you know. I get this is probably the weirdest thing.”  
Roger nodded, getting up, “It’s not the weirdest thing, you look so different with him though.”

Brian nodded, not sure if that was a compliment or an insult. Or just an observation. He made his way out, he could worry about keeping up his battered friendships later.

He just made his way downstairs, hoping his parents wouldn't wake up, he already knew they wouldn't come and check unless he asked them to. It wasn't until he reached the bottom of the stairs he realised Roger was following him.

"I thought you were going to leave."

"Technically I did, we're in a different room now," Roger gave him a looked, "Anyway, you took maps with you, I can't find my way back."

"Why are you doing this?" He didn't look at him, getting the bottle out of the fridge (he'd premade a few for practice) and slotting it in the heater with one hand, holding Eden steady in the other.

"Why not?" Roger crossed his arms, taking a seat at the table.

"Cause you haven't spoken to me in months, cause this is my mistake and I'm the only one who's meant to fix it."

"Is that what everyone's been saying?" Roger didn't need the answer to know, "Brian … I'm here for all the nights the window was open and no one came."

"That was years ago-"

"That's still on me."

Brian studied his face, he wasn't fucking about. He genuinely wanted to believe that.

"... Do you want to hold him?"

"Eh…" Roger looked at the baby, all dark curls and pink, very clearly Brian's - he didn't want to drop him. But what harm could it do? Maps didn't have anyone except his dad, and Brian didn't have anyone except his son. He wanted to pull them both into a hug, but all he could manage was a small nod. "Just don't let go of him."

Brian smiled, carrying Eden over, gently lying him in Roger's arms, "He's cranky, don't mind the crying," he heard his voice sound like it knew what was going on well before he registered the words, "let him hold your finger, he likes that."

Roger was transfixed, he'd never seen anything that small, poking the baby's hand gingerly. He didn't expect him to be strong enough to hold onto his thumb, but the baby quickly pulled his hand towards him, trying to eat his thumb.

"How are his fingernails so small?" Roger looked, realising Brian had stepped back to get the bottle, now holding Eden by himself, "How does he look so much like you?"

"You really think so?" Brian crouched by the chair, holding the bottle near the baby until he let go of Roger's thumb and started drinking instead.

“Yeah, doesn’t look to have any other genes in him,” Roger promised. He was glad actually - Eden looked nothing like his mother. Mother? Fucked if she had done anything to deserve being called that. But at least he wouldn’t be a spitting image of her. He still didn’t fully know the extent of what she’d done. Just that it wasn’t good. “Those will be curls I reckon, proper ones like yours.”

“I think so, poor thing,” Brian smiled, watching his boy, “... Thank you.”

“For what? I’ve done fuck all for you in months, I’ve not been anything close to a friend. I’ve been a twat.”

“You’re here now.” Brian poked Roger’s hand with his pinky, the blond instinctually wrapping his own little finger around his. Another fragment of the fear they had as children, even as they huddled over the baby, they were better.

They were better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya, hope everyone enjoyed. Not much new, but the baby name was picked by a mix of a vote and a suggestion from anon on tumblr.
> 
> If anyone else wants to ask anything or send in requests head over there (https://honey-rae-pluto.tumblr.com/) I'd love to see some suggestions on what would be happening on the deacury side of this story. A car crash perhaps?
> 
> Love  
> From pluto and beyond xxx


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An insight into Roger past, as well as some bonding time between him and Eden

2008

"Just wait until your father gets home!"

Then the door was shut in him. Roger stood motionless for a few seconds, staring at the door waiting for it to open.

But his dad wouldn't be home for a while - pubs didn’t close until midnight. Enough time that he could hide his toys, make sure all the toy cars were safe in a box under the bed, that the teddys were somewhere the older man couldn't grab them. Couldn't bin them or destroy them.

So all the things he owned, all that was his, was safe from the big grizzly bear.

He scrambled around his room, putting the drumsticks under the bed too, he had others - they often got replacements and Brian made some for him at times. But he didn't need there to be a weapon lying around.

He'd just about finished when he heard the front door click - his mum would be telling his father now. She had too, he'd wonder what had broken the sofa otherwise.

Roger ducked behind the bed on the far side of the door: he hadn't meant to break the sofa, it wasn't even broken, the back piece of wood had splintered but it could be pushed back together. He'd only been jumping around, trying to make his sister giggle so she wouldn't mind being as hungry.

But then he'd jumped on the back of it and felt himself falling backwards, landing hard on the ground with a thud, pain flashing in his knees and elbow cracking in a worrying way.

Now he was hiding from the bear.

He could hear hard voices downstairs, his father's tone getting angrier and the baby starting to get unsettled. Roger looked at himself, already his legs were starting to bruise, and he didn't dare move his elbow, tears already streaming down his face.

He dragged his jumper sleeve across his face - it'd only be worse if he was crying. But he could hear the footsteps getting closer and closer. There was a hard knock on the door, followed by it opening. He could hear every click and creek of the door, knowing what it proceeded.

"Come here."

The voice was cold, the bear was angry. Carefully Roger got up, making sure to not knock anything over in his room, not cause more of a mess. He didn't look up as he stood in front of the steel toed caps his father wore.

"How fucking dare you?" He boomed, standing tall above the boy, "Do you have any idea the trouble you're in? Answer me?!"

"No." Roger shook his head quickly, trying to count his breaths. He couldn't step back away, the bear would get closer, enter his domain. It couldn't be his then, his room. It would be the bears.

"No what? You address me as dad, remember?"

Roger nodded. He hated that word. Hated it. Dads were the things his friends had, sort of, he didn't have a dad. He had a bear.

"Sorry dad."

"Do you think sorry works?" The bear grabbed his shoulder by his neck, craning his head back by force, just to scream into his face, "Sorry isn't fucking enough!"

Roger knew better than to react, knew better than to cry, to wipe off the bit of spit that had landed in him. He just had to stand. Stand until the bear walked away.  
"You are a stupid, stupid boy," he continued, still roaring, "Absolutely fucking waste of space."

He was pulling further into the room to the bed where the bear sat down, pulling him roughly by the neck until he was lying over his lap. A hand was brought down hard over him, making him whimper.

It was never his arse that was hit, he remembered comparing notes with Freddie on occasion, no, the bear went for the lower back, so it stung. He went for holding his neck so he wouldn't move.

He went for what seemed like hours.

Eventually Roger was sobbing, the bear stood up and let him fall bonelessly to the floor under his bed. He heard the door slam, but he looked at his toys, he'd protected them.

The door opened again a few moments later, he wondered briefly if the bear had only gone to get the spanner from the hallway cupboard where it inexplicably lived...

But no, his mum lifted him up into the bed, wiping his eyes with a tissue. "None of that, dear," she told him, a hard layer of makeup always on her face, done again since he last saw her, "It wasn't so bad, was it? Just you get to sleep now."

Roger nodded, letting her kiss his forehead and leave. He waited as long as he dared before opening the window and darting out over the roofs to the nearest other window.

He tapped three times, waiting for a familiar face to help him in.

Which it did.

2020

“Hey maps, no no. Don’t cry,” Roger wasn’t really sure how to placate a month old newborn, he’d always handed him back over to Brian when he’d started crying. Maybe he was cold? Roger pulled him closer into his jacket, hoping the cheap imitation fur wouldn’t bother the poor soul, “Daddy’s just inside, you’ll get him back in a minute. He’s just trying to get his exam timetable, so he can get qualifications. So he can look after you.”

Roger took it as a personal victory when the baby stopped crying, “Yeah, that’s right. Your daddy loves you - lucky ducky you are.”

How could his dad have been married and had a house, planned both him and his sister, started out with a decent amount of money - had everything going for him, and still be so bad? Brian had fuck all and seemed to make up for it all with love for his son, even when his own parents were detracting from it.

Perhaps that’s why Roger was so drawn into this tiny family - he’d never seen someone do it right. Well it looked right to him, no chance he’d know for sure. But if he could help out, even a tiny bit; he would. In some ways it was nice, almost like playing house, pretending he was part of a normal family.

But it never lasted, he’d always come to the realisation he had to go home, or to school, that he didn’t really know how to look after a baby and Eden was far from his.

He still had to admit he didn’t mind when people accidentally assumed he was, when he was out with him and Brian, old ladies talking to them in the park, telling him how sad he must be as a mum to have the baby look like a clone of his dad.

He’d stopped correcting them, there was no point in telling strangers so much - but the image was still sweet.

“You know what, Maps? We should take you to meet Freddie and John, I bet they’ll like you with a bit of prompting,” Eden was more than fast asleep, but Roger found it easy to talk to him, almost like cheap therapy but without the swearing - Brian had asked him not to, more for the sake of practicing but he’d agreed, “You could be the newest member of the boys, how about that? We could restart that band, you can manage the triangle, right? Maracas perhaps? Don’t worry, Freddie can’t even fucking manage them - shit, I wasn’t meant to say fuck while holding you.”

That would be nice though, the band back together, they might actually get to play in front of real people, maybe.

“I think your papa would probably enjoy it too, having his friends back, all of us. He’d be less stressed. You know he plays guitar, don’t you, Maps? I bet he hasn’t with you, probably scared you’d cry, he’s only got an acoustic at the moment - but I think he was saving up for an electric.” Which now he thought about it probably wasn’t happening, “Maybe he will actually try to build one, or buy one cheap to repair.”

Eden didn’t seem to care, mitten clad hands curled into the fur. It was cold now, frosty car windows and Christmas talk already - not that it was December, but it was late enough in the year they could do that.

“It’s gonna be your first Christmas soon, that’ll be fun, won’t it? You’ll hate the snow, you like being warm and cuddled too much to give a shit about being cold and wet, but… we’ll you don’t really eat either, and maybe the concept of a new teddy is a bit beyond you too… There’s shiny lights. Your daddy collects fairy lights, I bet they’ll be all over your room, and I’ll make sure there's a stocking on the end of your crib… and mistletoe on the end of your dad’s bed - but don’t tell him that.”

Roger was so sure that he’d start liking Brian less and less now he had a child, that had to make him less attractive, seeing him looking sleep deprived and tired, covered in dribble and changing nappies. There was no way he was meant to fall for him even harder and faster than ever before.

He’d tried to tell Freddie about it, but he’d just suggested it was brood. Still, at least Freddie hadn’t been angry at the mention of Brian’s name, and he had looked with interest at the photos Roger had of Eden. Actually both him and John had seemed happy to know he was going to spend the day with Brian, maybe they were over it.

Maybe they wanted them to reunite as much as he did.

That or they wanted Roger out of the house and somewhere safe (and like him or not, they’d never have said Brian was a risk) while his parents' remarriage swung back around.

That was something he’d been ignoring - he wasn’t in the house much, even if his dad was being surprisingly civil; damn near kind. He didn’t want to be there, crashing when he could at one of the others’ houses, getting to school on time and leaving late, going to Brian’s for homework help - or just to steal his son for cuddles. Anything to not be at home.

“Roger?” Brian came back out with a folder of paper, “Exams all in the space of two weeks, they’re just mock exams but still.”

“What’re you doing with Maps during them?”

“Might have to ask if my mum can babysit, otherwise I don’t know, might have to book a nursery or babysitter.” Brian held his arms out, and for a second Roger nearly went into them, pulling him into a hug. But then he realised Brian just wanted his baby back.

“You think she’d say no?”

“She said no for today, didn’t she? They’ve told me time and time again I’ve not to ask for help, that I can stay under their roof and that’s already too much.” Brian admitted, “Really makes me feel like I’ve got nowhere to turn to for this, but hopefully since it’s educational she might - it’s only an hour of her time anyway.”

“We’ll see, I’d be more than happy to watch him again, at least for the exams we don’t have at the same time.” Roger told him, adjusting Eden’s bobble hat now he was back in Brian’s arms, “Coffee? It’s on me so you can’t say no.”

“Oh if you insist,” Brian smiled. They weren’t far from the place, so they didn’t need to get the pram, they could just go. Walk into somewhere like a normal family.

As if they were one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!
> 
> I hope everyone enjoyed reading, there's going to be a bit more going between the past and present in this verse, and Eden will slowly grow up on us!
> 
> A few things, thank you all so much for the comments and support - they really do mean the world to me, and as always if anyone has any asks head over to my tumblr (Honey-Rae-Pluto).
> 
> There's also a black verse that I might post, one where it's Brian that got pregnant instead, everything is a level worse for all of them etc. It won't be an exact chapter by chapter thing, just a collection of the asks and ideas I've had for it, just if anyone wants to see.
> 
> Hope everyone's doing well, next chapter should be another little cute scene at christmas with bri and the baby so stay tuned!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian's first Christmas eve with a baby!

“That’s it bub,” Brian was practically shaking. He’d been following the books to the letter, placing toys at a slight distance so Eden would have to try to move to reach for them, challenging the three month old. But now he was so close to rolling over, arms flailing wildly, “You can do it baby.”

He’d cleared a space for the mat, still sort of living around what his parents were doing, so he wasn’t really allowed to leave things downstairs permanently. Not that he had much anyway, a bunch of his things from when he was a baby like the crib and changer, and he’d bought a fresh new penguin toy for Eden, which had been the only toy the baby would go near, at least for now, he would mess around with the dangly bits on the play mat, but not as much as the penguin.

Everything had to pack away into either his room or the little storage cupboard in the pantry - but the play mat could just about go on his bed as long as he was supervising it. So instead he put the penguin on the mat on the other side of his son - he was better at half rolling on his left side, so with any luck he’d turn to grab it.

Brian desperately wanted to help Eden, but he knew that wouldn’t help in the long run. He could see his son struggling, making noises as he expected help, getting frustrated with the effort it was taking him to roll, tiny baby muscles having to learn this skill. Anyway - this was his first big milestone, the first thing that really took him out of the newborn stage... first thing that would have him grow up.

He hadn’t thought about it like that before, once Eden did this it was the beginning step - soon he would be crawling, then walking, riding his first bike, going to school... fuck.

Fuck.

Did he want his baby to grow up?

Obviously he did, every day seeing Eden get big and strong and learn made his heart grow, but fuck if it didn’t mess him up too. He’d only had him for a couple of months, but already Eden was his entire world - one that was slowly needing him less and less.

“Ed, you roll when you want to,” He told him quietly, sniffling - his baby didn’t need to learn this right now. Eden seemed to hear him, somehow, turning away from the toy to look at him, then trying to roll over onto his right side towards him.

Trying to get to him.

Brian watched quietly as his boy wiggled about on the floor, tears welling a little in his eyes, spilling completely when Eden managed it, rolling onto his tummy right in front of him, arms flapping trying to grab at him, neck trying to look up, still not strong enough to completely from this new angle.

“Well done bub,” He picked him up, kissing his head “You wanted me and not the teddy, huh? You wanted daddy?”

Eden squealed at him, so close to giggling now, hugging his head and leaving dribble onto his face, wide blue eyes staring at him.

“I love you, Eds,” Brian pulled him away, wiping his cheek with his sleeve, “You gonna enjoy christmas? I’ll put the lights up tonight, have it nice and pretty for you. Christmas eve tomorrow, Father Christmas is getting ready to bring you something nice.”

Eden smiled up at him, babbling in vowels at him, hands holding onto his jumper.

“I know right, exciting. I bet Roger’s going to be at the window for a bit tonight, you can show him how you roll over then,” Brian told him, sitting up against the pillows to be able to hold up the baby, letting him ‘stand’ on his lap. “That’s if you’re awake though, better get a goodnight’s sleep for me, bet you can manage a good four hours between feeds now, all that rolling must’ve tired you out.”

Part of him enjoyed talking to his son. Someone so tiny that just blinked and wiggled around at his words, after so long not talking to anyone it felt good. He had Roger now, more or less - they weren’t how they used to be, probably wouldn’t be again. But they felt closer in another way now.

***

Eden woke up at the knocking before he did, babbling loudly knowing instinctively who it was and the cuddles he’d get.

“Why were you awake bub?” Brian smiled, half asleep as he shuffled towards the window, letting Roger in. “Merry Christmas, mate.”

“You too, Bri,” Roger smiled, “Maps is up then, hey you - you weren’t keeping daddy awake, were you?”

“Just woke me when you knocked, dear,” Brian assured him, “You’re a bit later than usual, everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. Fred’s coming to live with me starting boxing day. His family’s not handling anything well - not now him and John are very definitely a thing.” Roger kicked his shoes off, carefully picking Eden up and getting into the bed next to Brian.

“Blimey, I never thought it would get to that point,” Brian shook his head, “And John?”

“His mum’s chill with it, but Christmas is bad for him anyway, they can’t exactly take someone in at the moment.”

“I’d offer, but I don’t think I’d really be able to, not with the baby and everything,” Brian told him, lying on his side watching the two, gently resting a hand on the baby’s back, head on Roger’s shoulder. “That’s if either of them would even talk to me.”

“Freddie wants to,” Roger said, looking at him, “I said he should come tomorrow while your parents are out, you pair were so close before, brothers need brothers.”

“I don’t know. It’s not the same, is it? I mean I’m not really one of you guys anymore, I can’t get pissed at the weekend and drink out hangovers and go out whenever.” Brian shook his head, “I don’t want to be there when they realise they don’t want to be my friend.”

“I still want to be your friend, don’t I matter?”

“I… Yes-”

“Then it won’t be any different with them.”

“I guess-”

“Yeah, you’ll be right too. They’ll love Eden too, I’ve shown them photos and videos - Freddie wants to play with his hair, put it up in bows and clips, John is pretending not to care, but you can see he does.”

“I hope you’re right,” Brian nodded, letting Roger turn, keeping the tiny baby between them on the single bed; the three of them pressed together, “Are you staying the night?”

“If that’s okay with you.”

“Of course it is. You can stay in the morning, I can make you breakfast, my parents won’t care if you’re here or not.”

“Okay,” Roger grinned, it was dark and cold everywhere for him, at home, school, literally outside: the world was going down around him, his friends being forced into the storm, but somehow, at night - he tapped on a magic window into the eye of the storm. In this sanctuary it was warm, fairy lights everywhere and the smell of cheap sleep mist mixing in with Brian’s, and Eden’s small form hugging him with no idea of the pain of the world.

“I can set him in the crib, he might start crying and I don’t think you want that in your ears.”

“Does he normally sleep there?”

“Some of the time, for naps the beginning of the night he does. I tend to give him a cuddle after the morning feed, loosy attempt to give him bonding time he should be getting from his mother.”

“I don’t think she ever would have,” Roger shook his head, “You’d have been doing that even if she was in the picture.”

“Regardless who she is, babies need them more, it’s in all the books and help guides. I can’t ever make up for that bond.”

“Bullsh- bull. Absolute bull,” Roger shook his head, “Trust me when I say you’re doing better than even proper grown ups do, I can see it a mile away. Maps is lucky. Now don’t fuss, get some sleep - don’t make me get santa to come and mess you up.”

“Alright, alright.” Brian nodded quickly. He wasn’t sure he believed him, but it made him feel better, now more than ever. “Goodnight, love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> hope everyone enjoyed, love to see some feedback. If anyone has any asks head over to my tumblr!
> 
> Love,  
> Pluto (which @you know who you are {and probably don't read this}, is a real planet)  
> xxx


	5. Chapter 5

"Here you go," Brian popped the spoonful of apple flavoured mush into Eden's mouth, "There's a good airport."

"Is that a phrase you're happy with, morally?" Freddie was sitting at the kitchen table - at Roger's insistence that they try to reconnect everyone, especially now it was Christmas eve, "Airport?"

"Shush you," Brian rolled his eyes, scooping the mush off of Eden's chin, "Atta boy, doing such a good job of it today."

Eden made a face, sort of blowing a raspberry (and consequently some food) at them, hands waving in the food he'd managed to get over the tray.

"Mucky little thing you are today, trying to show off for the new person? Huh?" Brian wiped him down, "Cheeky monkey."

"Is he?" Freddie asked - he wasn't getting close - that thing was flinging food around he didn’t dare to, but he had to admit Roger was right, the thing was sort of cute. "Trying to show off I mean?"

"Yeah," Brian glanced back at him. It was strange to him that this was the first conversation they'd had in months, he knew something was going on with his home life; he was staying on the floor of Roger's room for starters, but now wasn't the time to ask, "Yeah, he gets more fidgety around new faces, starts playing up. Eds, this is Freddie, he’s a friend."

Was he though? He might be over now, and they had gone back to their usual comfortable rhetoric: but they might not have gone back to being friends, it wasn’t something Brian was exactly ecstatic about, this not knowing where he stood with anyone.

"Right," Freddie nodded, but he couldn't help but smile; back to normal, "What the fuck are you even feeding him?"

"I don't know, squishy toothless people food," Brian shrugged, looking at the jar, "He's still mostly on formula, but I try to get him some of this every now and then - he’s still too little for anything else."

"And you just know what he needs now?" Freddie asked curiously.

"No, never feel like I know what I'm doing," Brian admitted, getting up to grab something to clean up with, "But I try to pretend."

Freddie nodded, watching as Brian lifted the baby up, tidying away the baby chair and cleaning up with practiced ease.

"You make it look easy enough," Freddie kept watching as Brian sat back down, patting Eden's back, "I wouldn't know where to begin."

"And you think I did? I spent most of these first three months having breakdowns and panic attacks. I don’t think it’s going to get any easier. But, well, he looks up at me with these big eyes and the gummy smile... I want to be his dad."

"I guess," Freddie nodded, wondering how Brian wasn't even flinching at the dribble or sticky hands the baby was messing his shirt up with, "He got the curls then. I thought Roger was exaggerating."

"Poor thing ended up looking a lot like me," Brian kissed the pudgy cheek, "Isn't that right Ed? Papa's curls?"

Eden held onto his face, slobbering a little in return, squeaking if anything. But he seemed happy.

"Hey," Freddie addressed the baby directly for the first time, he wasn't sure how to really, "Bloody Roger been calling you maps still? Shit really. You need a better nickname."

"Not you as well," Brian huffed, but he was thrilled inside that his mate was even still there - it had been pretty awkward at first, having Freddie back after   
everything, the months of silence. He shifted Eden so he'd be more in front of Freddie, trying to grab his hair too. "Don't make it dreadful."

"Well he needs a drag name if he's part of the boys," Freddie poked the baby's hand, at a loss for what else to do, "Medusa... No, no that's woeful... Luna."

Eden grabbed his finger, chewing it (sort of) happily - Luna it was.

“So we have two space morons, how lovely,” Freddie smiled, getting more comfortable around the baby, “How are you this tiny, Luna, huh? Tiny chubby thingy.”

“You can hold him if you want, he’ll probably just nod off now he’s eaten.”

“It’s ten in the morning, doesn’t he want to play or anything?”

“Nah, he’s still sleeping most of the day, once he gets a bit bigger maybe,” Brian shook his head, holding Eden out, “He’s very calm.”

“I’m bloody not,” Freddie backed away, no chance, “I’ll drop him, that’s a bunch of very tiny organs in a very breakable bag.”

“You won’t drop him,” Brian looked at him, what a way with words, “Just give him a little cuddle, he likes those.”

“Why don’t I go cuddle Roger and work my way up to him?”

“If you really don’t want to, it's fine, I was scared too at first.” Brian sat down, holding Eden in his arms again, lying him sort of flat so he could rock him, “I’ll just set him into the cradle upstairs.”

Freddie followed him up, he really had changed a lot since they’d last spoken, he sort of felt they might not be equals any more - he was still messing around at the back of classes and doing cheap dates with John, even if he was now technically living with Roger, he didn’t feel like they were on the same plane at all.

“That’s a very small bed, isn’t it?” Freddie commented, looking around the place. Brian had shoved his own bed into the corner, his desk a bit more cramped with toys and things. Under the bed was a box of nappies and presumably other changing things, another box in his wardrobe still open with some baby grows and little hats, the only cot was the tiny thing Brian was lowering Eden into now, almost looking like a dolls pretend one instead.

“It’s just for naps, I keep him on a baby pillow next to me at night, if Roger comes he hogs him anyway,” Brian told him, closing the zip on the sleeping bag type thing inside - it was old looking, clearly bought out of a charity shop or borrowed from a relative. “My crib from when I was little is in the attic, but there’s really not the room, figured he’d be okay.”

“You and Rog just make up for things with love, I can’t imagine he’d ever be anything less than okay,” Freddie nodded, looking at Eden curiously, “Poor Luna, we really have to make sure you meet John, he knows how to make things, you’ll like him - he could make you a metal thing with the planets, oh and I’ll paint them, add a few funky ones to annoy your dad, and some aliens and spaceships and fairies and teddies.”

“Fred… I’m sorry about what happened, last year, I wasn’t in a good place, I let it get in the way, that’s entirely on me,” Brian scratched the back of his neck, “I should have listened.”

“Yeah, yeah you should’ve,” Freddie nodded, “But this thing is cute and I still need a guitarist; and Roger will actually fuck me up if I don’t, so I forgive you.”  
Brian watched him, hazel eyes meeting brown, yeah, they’d missed each other.

“I thought you would have replaced me by now, I don’t even have a guitar, it's a lump of wood.”

“No chance, you’re my Hendrix.”

That put a lump in his throat, like someone had just shown him how to get back into safety. Roger had been anchoring him to them, keeping him within their radar, but to actually be given an in, to be kept as an integral part even after so long, even now he was basically added baggage: that meant so so much now. Maybe, just by some fleeting chance, he could have it all, the boys and Eden, it wasn’t how his parents told him, picking Eden perhaps didn’t mean losing all else.

Brian held his hand out, he might have opened the rift, but he wanted to be the negotiator that closed it too, he wanted to be back with his friends, back to the people that were closer than any family could ever be, with the possible exception of Eden, who was somehow more part of this family than the rest of Brian’s blood family.

Freddie didn’t take his hand, instead just hugged him.

They could go back to how they were, or at least meet up at their last point as different people, but still be friends. And that was something to fight for.

“Is little Miss Luna going to just stare at us like that until he falls asleep?” Freddie broke the silence, “Are you sure he needed a nap?”

“Yeah, he stopped moving around so much, just tracking us cause he’s tired - that’s something new, he’s only recently started being able to recognise my face.” 

Brian told him, a proud smile on his lips as he moved away to crouch by the cradle, “Clever little one: but he gets over tired if he doesn’t nap during the day, doesn’t go down well at night.”

“Please tell me you settle him with the Uke, no? Oh you have to,” Freddie poked at him, “We need him to know shit for the band, and that means starting now.”

“Alright, jeez,” Brian shook his head, “Didn’t expect you to be so opinionated.”

“I’m looking out for him,” For you too… “Make sure he’s a happy madam, now - you know George Formby, the window song.”

“That’s not a lullaby-”

“Please?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thank you so much for reading, hope you all enjoy this! As always if there is any asks or requests head over to my tumblr!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some Christmas fluff

Brian wakes up to Eden yanking in his hair and Roger breathing on his face, the pair of them tangled up in a sleepy effort to stay warm, now far too hot and sweating uncomfortably.

And he can't think of a better way of starting Christmas. 

It's early, not even five, Roger's holding onto him so he can't move; fast asleep with his hair going up in all directions and Eden squirming away in the space between them, mostly on top of his papa, one mitten missing as he went for another shot at hair pulling.

"Merry Christmas you," he kissed the pudgy cheek, not minding the yank for a moment. He knows Roger will have to go in a few hours, and that it'll be an awkward holiday with his parents, in that respect he's kinda glad Eden won't remember it, but for right now?

Right now he had all he ever wanted in his arms, and there wasn't a better Christmas present.

It was hard to believe that this time last Christmas none of this was real, Rog and the boys weren't talking to him, Eden's mum probably didn't know she was pregnant herself yet, everything was going downhill around him.

But now he had his baby, and he had his friends, stuff anything else.

Roger shuffled in his other arm, his hand taking the baby's foot, "You're lucky you're cute Maps, you've kicked me in the face enough times to incur wrath."

"He's three months," Brian pointed out, voice lower and sleep laden, "shouldn't have left your face there."

"Oi," Roger sort of well… nuzzled into him aggressively, like a lazy headbutt, "I don't come here for the attacks I get from curly people, came here to sleep."

"I'm not stopping you," Brian smiled, "I do however need to change someone's nappy, so if I could get my arm back…"

"Fiiiine," Roger let him go, settling in the middle of the small bed, "How was Freddie with him? Never got a chance to ask."

"Good, great actually, doesn't want to pick him up and touches him like he's made of glass, but he's been chill."

"That's good, it'll be good to have everyone back, he's at John's today so hopefully he's convincing him," Roger smiled sleepily, "I'd better go back to mine at some point."

"Yeah…" he really didn't want him to, but he didn't want his parents to catch them either, "your parents still go on a walk in the afternoon?"

"Yeah, yeah I've already said I'm not going, it's cold and I don't want Eden out there for so long."

"I'll be back then, with your present."

"I've got yours here if you want it," Brian looked up from where he was finishing up changing Eden, picking some new cosy clothes for him, a snuggly elf onesie with the feet and hands attached, "I wasn't able to get much, but-"

"Brian it's okay, there's been a lot going on for you." Roger told him, watching entranced by how gently Brian was dressing the baby, how natural he looked doing it now. He'd tried to put a jacket on Maps once, a disastrous event that had caused a very grumpy baby, and even the swaddling, something that Eden didn't cry when he tried to do, always came loose after ten minutes.

"And you've done so much for me, you've been there beyond belief," he paused wuth Eden in his arms, reaching under the bed for something, bringing out a carefully wrapped box with perfect ribbons and a bow, a tag written in beautiful cursive writing with Rogers name on it.

Roger took it, careful not to rip the paper (he normally would've, but this felt different), opening it to reveal a small wooden music box.

One he knew very well.

"I remember you saying that your grandad used to play you a music box, an old one from the thirties…" Brian told him quietly, "It plays the same song, 'someday I'll find you', that's right, isn't it? By Noel Coward?"

"But dad smashed it… how did you find this? He smashed it to nothing and threw it onto the fire," Roger looked it over, it looked exactly as he remembered, dark mahogany wood with delicate carvings, the small silver crank handle on the side… "Mum cried for weeks, we both did, grandad had only just died earlier that month, and he'd left it to me in his will, but dad got angry…"

"Rog, Roger it's not the same one, I'm sorry," Brian admitted, "I asked your mum if she had photos, if she could describe the bits that weren't clear, looked up similar ones online-"

"YOU made this?" Roger gawked at him, eyes wide like saucers, "You were trying to be a dad and do school and you made it?"

"You don't like it?" Had he crossed the line? He readjusted Eden before the little one got cranky, "I'm so so sorry I didn't mean-"

"Brian, no, no it's brilliant, it's perfect," his eyes were watering, turning the handle slowly, hearing a single exact note play out, "I just can't believe you…"

"I just didn't want you to remember the bad day, you can remember the song instead now."

"Come here," Roger patted the bed by where he sat, music box in front of him. He pulled Brian and Maps in together when they sat down, burying his face in Brian's hair, just long enough now that it was waving and curling in places. It was too good, all that was happening.

He knew his childhood was never going to be erased, but now things were getting better. Roger had always hated anyone who was a father just because of the association he had to his own, but in Eden's case? The tiny thing couldn't have been any luckier.

They sat there together for a when, just rocking back and forward with Eden gently breathing in their ears, and the music from the box quietly filling the room.

It wasn't going to last forever, the baby needed fed and Roger had to go, but something they'd created in that second would be eternally there.

***

"Bri, let him play with the baubles," They were face timing eachother, Roger had hopped over to Brian's while his parents were on the Christmas walk, and Freddie was staying at John's for the holiday anyway, "Can he put them on the tree?"

"No Fred, he's really not got the motor skills for it yet," Brian shook his head, his three month old gurgling happily at the fairy lights on the tree, "But he was very happy with his rainbow badger, not sure if my parents were."

"They were never going to be happy with a bent badger," Roger said from beside him, carefully holding a home made bauble out for Eden to look at. "Where'd this come from?'

"We made them at school," Brian told him, "See, P1f, I'm sure we all had them."

"Yeah," John's voice came from the tablet, "Yeah I remember I made even more when I came home because dad liked them... I don't think we have them anymore."

Brian turned his eyes away from the screen for a moment, seeing Freddie give John a little squeeze. 

They knew his dad had passed a few years ago around Christmas, a lot when unsaid because of it.

"I think dad chuckled mine too, don't worry," Freddie rubbed his shoulder, "I mean, we don't exactly celebrate Christmas, but it would've been a nice trinket of primary school."

"It's just a polystyrene ball and tissue paper with glitter, it's not that-"

"We'll make more next year." Roger cut him off, a distant look behind his eyes, no comment in what had happened to his, "So Maps can enjoy it a bit more, we can make one every year for him."

"Really?" Brian turned to him, Eden mimicking and now reaching for the lights on Roger's 'I'm a hoe hoe hoe' jumper, "I mean we could do, we could make next year the start a tradition."

But how long would it last? He was already amazed that they were even still there, that Roger was still by his side, would they stay? They were young, they had everything on earth still at their reach.

"Starting this year..." Roger slid a small badly wrapped parcel over to him.

Brian passed Eden over to him for a moment, sliding his nail under the cello tape to get it open. There was a smallish book inside, mostly blank on the inside, except for a photo of Eden from the day he was born.

"We figured since you've not really been allowed an album you can make a secret scrap book for you and Eden, you can do the foot prints and hand prints at all the different stages, all the photos you have of him. You can track it all to remember when he's all big and grown up."

Brian smiled looking over, his best mates, all be it on facetime, his son, perfect really.

"I put some spare cards and envelopes in there," Freddie told him, "So you can write him letters and all that meaningful stuff you like."

"You really thought it through…" Brian held the album to his chest, "Thank you. Really, thank you."

Eden looked over confused, but just went back to grabbing at Roger's nose with pudgy hands, as far as he was concerned there were pretty lights and it was warm, and papa brought him bottles of milk so what could possibly go wrong?

"Bri?" John asked from the phone screen, the moment breaking again, "Can he eat ice cream? Me and Fred were arguing about that earlier, I mean it's not technically a solid, so he could I reckon."

"Umm," Brian thought about it, "if it's melted down enough yeah, not much I don't think."

"Try," Freddie nodded quickly, "Oh please, it'll be adorable, Miss Luna won't even know what it is."

"Miss Luna?" Roger raised an eyebrow, "Well that's shit, but he's right, do it."

"Really? This is what you want? A frightened baby?" Brian stood up anyway, going to the freezer. He only put a tiny amount on the end of a teaspoon, waiting a could of minutes for it to become liquid, "If he cries it's your fault."

Roger still held the baby as the spoon was brought towards his little mouth, legs and arms suddenly kicking and flailing. But no crying surprisingly.

"You liked that, huh?" Roger kissed his cheek, "You liked the cold?"

"He has no idea, does he?" John laughed, "Poor thing. Happy elf though, merry Christmas guys."

"Happy Christmas."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> Sorry for the late update, I hope the chapter makes up for it!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some firsts for Eden and some bad dreams for Roger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER
> 
> It's not really too in depth, but there is the mention of implied rape and child abuse and some kinda descriptive dialogue and writing around that, it shouldn't be too bad but if you're likely to find this upsetting please please don't read.

Eden was teething. No matter what he tried Brian couldn't get him to calm down. It was well past five am and he hadn't had a wink of sleep, Eden was tiring himself out so much he couldn't sleep either, just cry.

He shifted Eden onto his other shoulder, pacing up and down the kitchen again, counting down until he could give him more bonjela or pain killers.

He certainly wasn't expecting his mum to come down. At first he thought he was in trouble, that he'd get yelled at for being useless and missing an obvious trick. Or worse, managing to do something wrong and hurt Eden.

But no, she just gave him a smile. "Not settling?"

"No, no I've tried everything, I'm sure he'll go in a moment," The crying got louder as he said that, ruining the illusion that he knew what he was doing or had it all under control, "Did he wake you?"

"Don't worry about it, Bri," She shook her head, "Let him chew on a dummy, even if he's spitting it out to begin with."

Brian didn't question it, finding one quickly enough. He felt like he was continually walking on thin ice, that every time he did something to make it crack his parents and the social workers would take Eden away, that any slip up would cost him his baby.

"Have you spoken to your dad much?"

"Eh, a bit?" Brian sat down, rocking the baby, "I kinda still want to build the guitar with him, if he wants to. I guess that plan went out the window."

"I wouldn't mind it, if you boys wanted to take some time every day, twenty minutes or whatever to do that."

"I guess, I might have time when Eden's napping, not keen on having him in the shed though, it's cold and damp." Brian also didn't want Eden anywhere near the big power tools or his dad, who somehow always managed to make him cry.

"I could take him," Ruth offered, "You've barely let him out of your sight."

"No, no it's okay. I can handle it."

"Bri," she looked at her son, the baby seemed to pick up on the atmosphere of things, the tension in the family. That wasn't fair, not to Eden and not to her baby - even if he was all grown up. "Bri let me bond with my grandbaby, just for a bit. We've maybe been a bit harsh on you."

"No, really, I don't want to bother you, I can handle him."

"Brimi, please. I'm saying this as his grandma," she'd never referred to herself as that, it made Brian look up, "I don't mind. Anyway, most babies have two parents, you don't need to try make up for that alone."

***

It was more a memory than a dream.

Roger twisted around in his sleep, staying quiet out of fear, a knowing silence forged through years of mistakes, crying out never ended well.

He was eleven years old again, cornered by the bear in the kitchen, tears streaming down his face. He’d wanted to walk home… just to walk the half mile back from the youth club, taking the time to chill after seeing his friends. It was only fifteen minutes, a quarter of an hour to re evaluate his head before heading home.  
Time to breath before entering the bear’s den.

Deep down he knew it was a matter of safety, walking home in the dark wasn’t the world’s safest idea, he understood that, but it was a safe town, plenty of others walked back alone, he didn’t want to feel his stomach turn every time he saw his dad’s ford fiesta parked up on the kerb.

He could remember what had happened when he’d not seen it, walked straight passed it on a rainy day, Roger couldn’t tell if he was remembering it in the dream or in reality, but the biting pain striking his cheek and the tense journey home, the insults and accusations as he sat in the back of the car crying, the bear shrouded in smoke and anger at the wheel.

“Useless.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Impetulant little boy.” 

“Please, Michael, I’m sorry.”

“Ignorant ratbag. You address me properly.” 

“I’m sorry… dad. I’m sorry.”

“You will be. Rude arrogant child. Worthless piece of shit!”

“I’m s-sorry.”

“Shut up! You’re annoying me now. Stupid boy.”

“Sorry.”

“I said shut up!”

His mum didn’t look at him when he got home, staring at her phone scrolling through facebook, hands shaking. He knew Clare had to have been sent to her room, or she would’ve ran there herself when the door slammed and the bear growled.

Roger wanted to wake up now, wanted to move on from these memories, wanted to not say the words that fell out of his mouth, never to have to see the bear’s red eyes widen in anger as it turned to him.

“Walk home? I do you a favour and you want to walk home?!” Roger nodded despite himself. It was such a stupid thing to argue about, he’d never be able to explain to the other’s how it even escalated so much, it would always be him that was in the wrong, always him that was looking up at the bear.

“Petulant arsehole. Walk home and you get what you deserve,” The bear spat at him, finger jabbing painfully at his chest, “You want to get raped? Fucking good! I hope they do. Idiotic boy.”

“Michael,” His mum was up, trying to hold onto the bear’s arm, trying to pull him away, “That’s enough.”

But it was never enough. Roger knew what would happen next, he knew that the bear would force him to watch something he’d never forget… the beast jeering in his ear about how if he walked him he’d deserve that and worse, telling him how if he didn’t become better that would be him screaming for others to watch.  
He didn’t want to go there, struggling to leave this memory behind as quickly as possible, hands holding his wrists to his forearms…

“Rog… Roggie wake up,” being forced in front of the television unable to move, “Roger, darling wake up.”

The hand on his face was softer, warm metal rings and bracelets decorated it and he could smell perfume that wasn’t in the memory. Slowly he opened his eyes, Freddie standing over him looking concerned. He wasn’t a kid anymore. It was all gone.

“You were crying,” Freddie told him, “bad dream?”

“Did I wake you?” Roger shifted to let him get in beside him.

“No, no I’m a light sleeper,” Had to be. They both were. “Can’t help but wish there was a monster under the bed, keep us all safe.”

“Monster’s are only made up if you’re lucky.” Roger sighed, “Being stuck in a Neighborhood song, not as romantic as it sounds.”

“Never going to be romantic, still fear of loud footsteps could be worse,” Freddie rubbed his shoulder, “That’s right isn’t it? Could be worse. There’s always a worse.”

“Mhm, if we say it enough maybe it’ll all go away,” Roger shut his eyes, “I might take Eden off of Bri for a bit tomorrow.”

“The only one of us without daddy issues,” Freddie smiled, “Lucky git.”

“I know right,” Roger nodded, lips curling a little, “You know, since you’ve got the floor mattress, you’re sort of the monster under my bed.”

“I know you think that sounded like a compliment,” Fred poked him, “I gotcha though. I’ve got you.”

***

"Wo..." Eden reached up as soon as he saw the blond mop peering in at him over the Moses basket, "Wowo..."

"he was saying that yesterday too," Freddie put the paint brush down to look over, "Brian thinks he's maybe saying 'no', I reckon it's just babble."

"Wo..."

"Yeah, we heard," Roger picked him up, setting him on his hip, "You wanna help us with our homework?"

"You mean you're not planning on doing any of it," Freddie rolled his eyes, "Honestly Luna, what should we do with him?"

"Wowowowo."

"I know right," Freddie grinned, nodding along, "Still, at least we're not playing catch up like Brian."

"Not exactly his fault, someone decided to be teething during exam season," Roger sat back at his desk, "And we aren't playing catch up, we are crashing the courses in a oner. Like always."

"wowa!" Eden clapped his hands off the table, "Wo!"

"Do you think he's asking for water? Wo... Water, maybe?" Freddie raised an eyebrow, "Or dada? Maybe he's dyslexic in both ears and aiming for dada?"

"Yeah, no, probably just babble. You know they make up a language that makes sense to them at this age, it was on QI."

"Fair," Freddie agreed, "You fancy a cuppa, Wog... Ah bloody hell, he's got me doing it. Rog?"

"Wowa!" Eden seemed to get excited by it, squealing at Freddie.

"What's funny, curly? Is Wog funny?" Freddie took his little hand, letting him keep repeating the same thing over and over.

"Fred..." Roger was staring at the baby, "Freddie, Brian is going to kill me."

"Eh?" Freddie glanced at him, "What?"

"Wowa... Roger..." He explained, "Was that his first word?"

"Yes. Yes it was," Freddie bit his lip to stop from laughing, "Can I've your jacket? The leather one with the badges on it? I'll wear it to the funeral too."


	8. Chapter 8

"How'd it go?" The four of them had met up at Rogers house, Eden sitting slightly bored in his carrier as the 'adults' discussed their exam results.

"mostly As, the odd B in art and home ec," Brian told him, unclipping his son, letting the poor thing have some room to stretch, "A star in physics, so that's probably going to be the choice for next year, maths too I think."

"I failed all the sciences, but then again I didn't exactly turn up," Freddie commented, "Not too shabby at art, history and English, music I just about passed."

"I bloody didn't," Roger frowned, "The exam was hard-"

"You mean you were hungover?"

'No, John. It was the exam." Roger swatted him, irritating sod had got all As in the four classes he did, "Looks like I'm doing bloody biology next year."

"Ahh!" Eden nodded along, "Ahh."

"Mood." Roger took him from Brian, bouncing him a little, "Someone's getting chatty today, huh? Getting big now."

"What is he, eight months?" John asked, "Seems like a lot."

"You're telling me," Brian nodded, "Ten on Sunday, already walking about, might start talking soon. Growing up too fast."

"Aww, is someone missing their little baby?" Freddie nudged him, ignoring the look Roger gave him. Between them they hadn’t mentioned the Wowa incident, and Eden was clearly in on it, having not said it - that or Brian hadn’t coined on yet, "Luna's going to have his daddy crying at every milestone."

"Da!" Eden looked over at that, leaning out of Roger's arms, "Da... Da... Dada."

"He's said that before, right?" Roger looked at Brian, passing the baby back over, "Hasn't he?"

Brian shook his head, completely speechless. He could feel his eyes starting to water a little, pretty much as Freddie had predicted, as he kissed Eden's temple.

"Eddie?" John had his phone out, filming apparently - they hadn’t told him just in case he forced them to come clean. "Say dada again?"

"Dada," he held onto Brian's face as he looked around at the other three, this was right, no? "Dada?"

"I love you so much, Eds," Brian held him, "So so much."

“Such a clever bub,” Roger cooed, even if he had won the first word, Brian had been given the first proper word, the first exact one. “I’ll have to come round for play time later.”

***

"Are you flying? Are you Maps?" Roger was lying on the floor in Brian's room, Eden jumping (being lifted more correctly) up in the air at arms length then back down to giggle in his face, chubby hands reaching down at him, tiny feet bouncing against his stomach when he was down, "And whoosh!"

Roger brought the giggling child closer, blowing a raspberry onto his belly. He could hear Brian taking a photo, an old fashioned camera he'd bought cheap online made the give away shutter noise.

They were going out, just to the local takeaway, a makeshift celebration to Eden’s first words - not that Eden would notice really, but Brian had ordered him a little space suit onesie and a little cuddly stuffed moon with a face on it, nothing too expensive, and likely too big on him for a while, but it felt right.

"Is that daddy ready?" Roger sat up, looking at him as he came through, "Is that... Is that a man bun?"

"Don't even think about starting," Brian shook his head, "Grabby baby is the reason."

"Okay," Roger wanted to laugh, but it sort of didn't look so bad, actually, it looked kinda handsome on him, "I didn't know you actually still had a forehead, good to see."

"Oi, coming in here and stealing my baby, insulting my hair, it's a wonder I keep you around." Brian teased.

"Oh shush... Can I tie up Eden's hair?"

"Not you as well-"

"You mean you let Freddie?" Roger stood up, heading to the bedside where Brian put clips and guitar picks and other small items he couldn't leave lying around, "So you cut ahead with Ghosts, then you hide these bobbles? You awful human being you... There you go Maps, how about this lovely bunny rabbit hair bobble, let's get your fringe out of the way."

***

They’d just ordered, baby entertaining himself in the high chair, able to look at both Brian and Roger and eat his own hand - perfection for a little one.

“He’s actually just going to drop off when we get him back,” Roger smiled, seeing how Eden’s energy was starting to ease off, “Might even get a full night’s sleep.”

“That’s be another first,” Brian agreed, “You’re staying over then?”

“Where else would I be?” Roger looked at him, “Seriously, it’s my favourite part of the day.”

“I’d never turn you away, you know that,” He replied, sitting back as the waitress dropped off their plates, as well as the chopped up bananas and sausages for Eden, “Thank you.”

“You’re both welcome. It's lovely to see such a nice couple out,” She smiled, half cooing at Eden who just waved at her, “Have a good meal.”

The both nodded, a little too stunned to correct her. We’ll, they looked like a couple, albeit young, they looked more correctly like a family, acted like a family…

“Dada,” Eden held a slice of food out to them, clapping when he took it, “Dada dada.”

“Right here,” Brian smiled. His mum had been making Eden try to say Granny now, as soon as she heard the news, more or less it was all forgiven for her. His dad? Not so much. But that didn’t matter, not to him, not right now.

They ate their meals in peace, chattering about all sorts, Eden eating it up with a bottle of formula milk Brian had brought, by now organised enough to just have these things with him. Eden was starting to nod into his tray as they ate desert, Roger picking him up and balancing him on his lap, letting him go to sleep.

“You should bring him to prom,” Roger commented as they left, “He’d be eighteen months, and you brought him in for the school photos.”

“I don’t know, I feel like everyone would get pissy with that,” Brian scratched the back of his neck, “I don’t want him to get scared.”

“Let’s be honest, our entire year is already a salt pit, they won’t pay us any attention, we’re on a table of four, and there’s plenty of people who’d take him during the dances.”

“That doesn’t mean I could take him with me,” Brian reasoned, although, it was self booked, he could in theory - those who dated outside of the school were allowed to bring significant others, “We’ll see.”

“You could get matching suits.”

“That’s definitely overthinking it.”

“Aww,” Roger linked arms with him, leaning on his shoulder to look at the baby in the pram, “My boys, huh?”

“I suppose so,” Brian mused, “Mum’s said I can go to the after party, she’d take him for the night.”

“Well now she can take him after prom, and we’re not doing an after party with the others.”

“Since when?”

“Since we hate them and they hate us,” Roger told him, “Nah, it’ll just be the four of us, we can relax sans baby for a night and get hammered.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! All the comments are so appreciated!


	9. Chapter 9

"This is a triumph herald," he showed Eden the toy car, "And this is a Morris Marina. We don't like this car, do we? No, bad car."

"Ba ca !" Eden nodded, no real idea what he was on about, but Roger was there grinning at him so he was happy.

"There's my good boy, here's a Porsche, it's pretty, isn't it?" Roger let the baby chew on its bonnet, they were sturdy enough toys - they’d survived his own childhood, and John had got the dents out somehow, "Just eye candy though, it'll break down before it leaves the garage and the depreciation is a nightmare."

Brian had to go to a meeting with his teachers, one he hadn't been allowed to take Eden to - and the poor thing was fussing horribly, so Roger had quickly volunteered to watch him. He was feeling better now at least, Brian reckoned he’d been a bit peaky that night, making him cranky in the morning.

"Alright then curly pop, what goes faster, Ferrari California or Lamborghini Aventador?"

"Ava?" Eden looked at him, he'd just been repeating the last words he heard, then again Roger had been making sure the right answers were always the last words.

"That's right, maps." Roger handed over those tiny cars too - they were newer, bought specifically for Eden, "You are just the cutest thing. I don't know if I could give you up either, not even mine, are you?"

"You," Eden told him, making grabby hands, "cudda?"

"You know I've always got cuddles for the May boys." Roger pulled him in, "Even if your dad doesn't notice it."

***

"Eden, baby," he was nearly nine months old now, just days before Brian's eighteen birthday. But it wasn't going well.  
Eden had a fever, one that's getting worse, making him clammy and sick. Brian didn't know what to do, his friends drew a blank on that one and his mum had only suggested brandy, late teething or just a bad bug.

"Eds, it's alright. I've got you," It was three in the morning, or it had been the last time he checked, but between Eden's bouts of sickness and having to wash him and change him it was probably much later. Less time before he could try to give him medicine again. Not that the last dose had stayed down. "We'll get some more Calpol into you soon."

"Dada." Eden whimpered between sobs, not even loud sobs, that was worse. His baby was in too much pain to cry and Brian didn't have a clue how to fix that, desperately pacing the kitchen trying to rock him back and forth.

Or if he should be doing something else, calling an ambulance, knowing some trick, something that could have prevented this. He’d called the helpline a few times, being put on hold for hours, getting told it was nothing, the line being dropped.

He felt useless.

He called the helpline again that morning, after a night of neither of them sleeping, pacing nervously as he was put on hold for ages, a still whimpering Eden in his arms.

His parents had both gone to work, but his mum at least had attempted to give her grandson some medicine herself. Not that it had worked.

By the time he got on the phone to someone it was late morning, and they yelled at him for not getting straight to medical help, listing off what felt like hundreds of medical problems that could kill his baby boy, meningitis, measles, bacterial infection… It made Brian’s heart miss a beat as he got him into the car.

And that's when things went downhill.

As soon as he entered the hospital, having driven there and signed in like a regular adult, someone came and took the baby away from him, a series of angry faces looking at him, blocking his way through.

"Are you an older brother?" The first nurse asked him. Brian had been taken to a room upstairs, away from Eden. The whole thing was making him shake, was his son okay?

"Eden's my child."

"Oh," her expression soured quickly. A lad bringing his sick baby sibling was heroic, fighting against horrible parents no doubt, it was an image from the charity adverts. But a teen parent bringing in a kid that was ill, well he must've been hurting the child - if not by his own stupidity then a purposeful action. "I'll need you to wait there then."

"What about Eden? Is he okay?"

She closed the door, not bothering to answer. Now she knew why the police had been informed.

It was another hour before Brian saw anyone else, but this time it was a policeman.

"I'm not neglecting him, please," Brian shook his head at the questions, "He's only been ill one night, I called and no one answered for ages..."

"With respect, lad, the accusations come from the child's mother. She wishes to renounce her name on the birth certificate, due to her treatment during the relationship."

"What?"

"She claims your relationship was abusive on your part, that you manipulated her," the officer told him, "Those are some pretty serious allegations."

"I didn't... It wasn't like that..." Brian shook his head quickly, "She never said anything to me about it."

"Kid, are you aware of the life long damage a criminal record like that holds?"

"She's the one who didn't stop when I said no," he choked the words out, "I asked her to..."

"We can't look into that without evidence, and given the circumstances I doubt you'd have any."

Brian shook his head again, he just wanted Eden back, just wanted to go home and pretend nothing had ever happened.

He just wanted his son safe.

***

"Roger?" Brian was crying down the phone, far too early on a Saturday for Roger to get what he was saying, "Roger they have him."

"Wha?" Roger squinted, rolling over in bed to check the alarm - one pm. "Bri what's happened? Is Eden still chucking up?"

"They took him a-away..." That got him to sit up instantly.

"Brimi, who did? What's happened? I'm on my way, where are you? Where's Maps?"

"He's still sick... Roger, Roger they gave him to her..." Brian hiccuped down the phone, "He's so scared."

Her. Eden’s biological mother. No actual relation to him, not emotionally or even financially despite the rules.

"What happened? She has nothing to do with him." Roger grabbed some clothes, getting dressed as quickly as he could.

"I t-took him to the doctor's cause he wasn't... Wasn't better and they took him away from me... Said I had to be questioned for neglect and abuse charges... I didn't, I swear I didn't..."

"Bri, I believe you. Stay on the line, where are you?"

"At the station," Brian told him, "I don't know what to do, they don't believe me."

***

By the time Roger got there Brian was worse, in more of a state if that were possible, stuck in a glass panelled office where the staff were not so slightly talking about him, about the case in general as if they knew shit about it.

"What's happened to him?" Roger found the biggest looking policeman and stood in front of him, arms crossed angrily as he stared up at the man. "He never hurt anyone."

"There's no proof," the constable looked down at the smallish lad, barely tall enough to be chest height. "She claims he was physically abusive and sexually assaulted her."

"He didn't," Roger growled, "She was three years older than him, isn't that an issue?"

"They were both over sixteen so no."

"Manipulation then, that's a crime," he'd argued something similar before, as a child, his little sister clinging to his hand. Different abuser, different people. Same argument. "She cut him off from everyone, made him solely responsible for the baby, and isn't paying her half of the bills."

"No proof," He shook his head, "She has the baby now, we'll be investigating him first - he’s more of a threat."

"fine." Roger backed away, giving Brian a nod. He'd sort this.

But first he had to start asking her questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks so much for reading, I hope you all enjoy this, as always, all asks and whatever can be sent in to my tumblr!


	10. Chapter 10

When he parked up at the address the first thing he saw was the door propped open with a box of empty glass bottles, someone he vaguely recognised as being a few years older than him from school, and the loud noise of a party inside.

Did she bring Eden into this?

He stepped over the box, venturing inside. How Brian ever fell for her, even as a distraction, he'll never know. Was it something he’d caused? Roger wondered quietly, had he really driven Brian so far into her arms he didn’t see the signs?

There were people in all states of consciousness, drunk all over the floor, still drinking from paper bags. Roger looked around, her parents must’ve been away for the weekend, it was too nice a house for anyone to willingly allow this chaos. There was also no sign of her.

More worryingly Roger didn't see any sign of Maps either.

When he did spot the baby (after wandering into every room on the bottom floor, and half the rooms upstairs, trying to get past people who clung mindlessly to him and all the crap on the floor), it was enough to make him want to punch her. Eden was sitting whimpering in the bathtub, freezing and having thrown up again - left completely dirty by himself. Whoever had put him there had thrown in a cushion that was now just as disgusting and a glass, presumably of milk which had since been spilt and was gone down the drain where it smashed.

"Maps," Roger got his attention, little hands weakly reaching up to him. He grabbed a towel from the radiator rail, wrapping it around the boy, "Baby it's me, we'll get you back to papa, okay? I'll call the police."

Roger tried his best to soothe him, bouncing him carefully. "Shh, I'll get you back to Daddy. I'll look after you both then, okay?"

"That's not yours," a voice called out at him, a body crashing into him moments later, nearly toppling the lot of them. "Give it back."

"It? You're calling him it?" Roger held him closer if anything, stepping away from her, "You're drunk."

"It's my party. My baby. Hand him over," she made her way towards him, backing him into a corner, "He's called Vegas now."

"He's really not." Roger shook his head, "He's ill, have you left him in the bath all day? It’s been fucking hours."

"Stupid thing was puking up, I can't get this dress dirty," she pointed to her skimpy see through outfit, her long nails suddenly explaining the scratch on Eden's cheek. "He had all he needed."

"Oh yes. A glass of milk, he really has the hand eye coordination to do that," Roger glared, "He could've seriously hurt himself, did you even notice it was smashed? What happens if he tries to grab one of the shards? Or tries to eat one?"

"Shut up." She used her force to pry at Roger's arms, roughly taking the baby back, "We'll cut all that hair off - won’t we vegas? We can get you looking cute, Kyle reckons he can use a razor to do some stripes. Make him more fashionable."

"Eden is a baby, not a fucking handbag." Roger growled, "I'm taking him back to his dad."

"As if," she laughed, roughly pinching her son's cheek, making him cry out again, the little boy squirming as far back behind him as he could. Trying to get to Roger.

"That wet drip will probably be locked up."

"Why now? I get you're a bitch, want attention or whatever gets you through the day. But you definitely didn't want a baby - so why now?"

"We had a deal."

"I'm sorry?"

"He was meant to hurt me and abandon Vegas. He wasn't meant to get attention for this, wasn't meant to have people cooing at him and telling him he's a good man for doing it. I was meant to be able to tell the world how much he hurt me." She put the baby back down in the bath, "He just wants attention."

"He just wants his son," Roger shook his head, "Trust me."

"You know he cries after sex?" She grinned, as if letting him into a great joke, "Used to film him, all the times he got all scared and tried to run, such a pussy. Almost as if he didn’t want it."

Roger shook his head, getting a sinking feeling deep in his stomach. He couldn’t take Eden with him, she’d lash out and hurt him more… if he called the pigs then she’d blame him or squirrel out of it, get rid of the footage… Roger glanced at Eden one last time before running.

He'd sort this out, he had to. And as soon as he did, he'd not let go of either of them, not for a very long time. But until then, he knew he was leaving a sick baby in a drugs den, and he was terrified.

***

"Freddie... Freddie answer the phone," Roger tapped his heel against the wall, sitting so he could keep an eye on the house, "Come on."

The phone played another ring through, he was about to fling it across the road when the tone changed.

"This better be good."

"Fred. Oh thank fuck!" Roger let out a breath, "I need a favour."

"That jacket is mine and you're not borro-"

"The bitch took Eden back and has him in a bathtub at a party while Brian's at the police station."

"... Fuck," he knew what Roger sounded like when he took the piss. This wasn't it. "But Eden was ill, they were staying home weren't they?"

"Look, I don't know... But I need you to find a video, go through all the group chats, make it look like you fell out with Brian, tell them anything to make them believe you."

"Roger if she has Eden and he's sick you need to call the police."

"I can't. She has videos of her assaulting Brian, that's the only thing to get him out of the station, look I haven't got time to explain, but she will make sure they've been deleted if I call the police."

"You better be sure about this, if Eden gets hurt I don't know what any of us would do, let alone Bri."

"Please? It's the only way."

***

"Roger," Freddie had called him back about an hour later, he was still sitting on the wall, half expecting to see Eden getting launched out of a window, heart skipping a beat everytime he heard a noise come from inside - how bad was Brian taking it? He didn’t know where his baby was, didn’t know how bad the situation would be. Probably he didn’t think he’d see Eden again. "Roger I found it, well actually all of them... They're not good..."

"They won't work for this?"

"No, no the videos are fine, she very clearly goes over the line and he very clearly struggles... They're just more graphic than I'd expected."

"Shit, I'm sorry Fred-"

"No, John's taken it worse. It was his idea to abandon Brian when she came into the picture. I think he thinks if he hadn't said that it wouldn't have happened."

"Fuck... I'll talk to him later, just tell him it's not his fault, yeah? I'm just going to head to the police, tell them what's going on inside."

"Is Ed still in there?"

"I couldn't take him with me, not without getting him hurt, I don't know how much longer he can go without food or warmth, that's if he's gotten over the bug."

"Go, just go. You're doing everything you can."

***

It was taking far too long, they'd taken his phone a long time ago and no one seemed to be actually doing anything. Even when he'd explained what was happening at the house.

Roger was tapping his foot impatiently, hearing doors opening and closing. It was seven in the afternoon, so Maps had been trapped for what? Ten hours? Still sick and wanting to go home.

"We're dropping the case," The officer made him jump, "This evidence is concrete, although her claim can't be forgotten about, she does have the right to her child."

"Whatever,” They could sort it out after, he wanted Brian and he wanted his baby, he wanted them safe. “Where's Bri?"

"We're just signing him out now."

***

Brian only seemed to get tenser the closer they got to the house, his mind conjuring up whole worlds of horrendous imagery, his mind trying to fill in the gaps on what had happened to Eden.

He felt Roger give his hand a squeeze, pulling away from it sharply. For a second he’d thought it was her… made him feel sick to his stomach. Last time he was here, last time he was pulled into her house, her bed...

"Its this one," they were in the back of the police car, driving up to her house. "She had him in the bath."

"Right," the police nodded, getting out, talking in jargon to eachother as they entered the house.

Brian got out anyway, following them even after they were told not to, so naturally Roger followed him. Roger’s mind had drifted elsewhere in an effort not to keep the situation on a cycle; when had he started thinking of Eden as his own child? He supposed the process had been gradual. But now? Now he wanted to make sure Eden was safe and with him, wanted to help raise him in a way he had never even thought about, a way beyond just baby fever or fondness.

The music had been turned up louder, the party half empty now, just some people smoking absentmindedly on the floor, too stoned to acknowledge the coppers.

Brian bolted past them when he heard the cries. Well wails really. He found his way upstairs, Eden was sobbing on the carpet by the stairs, looking pale and clammy, his hair stuck to his head and dirty clothes still on.

"Eden, Eden baby," He pulled the baby in, Roger landing next to him on the stair, "His fevers worse."

"Hospital?" Roger held his hand, seeing Eden look so weak, barely able to hold onto Brian as he cried.

"Yeah, yeah he's not well." Brian stood up with him trying to soothe him, "I'm so sorry, Eden, I am so so sorry."

"Where the fuck are you going?" They heard the screech as they got into the kitchen where the police were still looking around. Fucking useless police.

"I'm taking him to hospital, before he collapses," Brian didn't look back to acknowledge her, " he should never have been taken out of there."

"He's in my care though, I’m over eighteen; he’s not." he launched herself, getting caught by the two police, "He's mine - you're the one that made him sick, it's your fault he's so fucked up."

"Bri," Roger pulled him away, "Come on."

"No! He's the one that cause this, fucking rapist!"

"Miss, you're under arrest for child neglect and possession of marijuana."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy
> 
> danke for the read!


	11. Chapter 11

Roger dropped him off at his place after they got back from the hospital, Eden completely wiped out, he didn't have a fever now, some antibiotics running through him; they’d treated him properly once they got into the hospital the second time.

He was safe. That's what Brian kept repeating in his head, his bub still all dirty from the day's events in his arms, sleeping soundly, tiny hands gripping tightly to his jumper.

Safe.

Roger kissed his forehead once they were parked up by the front door, leaning in to kiss Eden's too, promising to be back shortly with the lads, once Eden had gotten some sleep, once he had too.

Brian carried him in, he could give him a proper bath once he was awake, a proper feed too, they'd only given him a bottle at the hospital. "Shush, love, I'm here." He heard Eden squirming, trying to get closer despite the walking.

"Bri?" His mum was up, must've just gotten home... No, it was dark out, she must've been waiting, waiting for a while at that. "What happened? You've been gone all day. You left lunch in the fridge."

"Eden wasn't well... Mum it all went wrong," Brian admitted, lip quivering, "I thought I was going to lose him."

"Baby, come here," he walked into her arms, Eden trapped there between them. For a second he let himself be six years old again, just waking up from a bad dream. Just for a second. And she let him, seeing him look more like a child than he had in years.

"I'll explain later," he decided, he'd have to tell her everything, properly, about what happened, about the videos Freddie found, everything. "I've got to get my own baby sorted first."

"Okay," Ruth nodded, "You know, you're a good dad."

Brian looked at her for a moment, nodding ever so slightly: no one had said that, not anyone that was an adult, a proper adult.

***

"It's okay, we're here," Ruth kept him close, crying herself at this point. He'd finally told her about what happened, about what Eden's biological mother did to him, and it broke her heart. "We're both here, Eden too."

Brian could feel them both, any other time he'd have been amazed they were both there. But right now he just wanted to let go, his mum rubbing his back, Roger holding his hand, Eden safely in the blond's arms - he’d come back after a while to check up on him.

"I'm sorry... Mum I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have let her, I should've been more of a man-"

"No, it's not your fault," Ruth told him, it didn't matter if he was on about what had happened in the hospital today or during their relationship: her boy wasn't in the wrong, he’d never be. "I'll speak to your father about this."

"Brian here," Roger put Eden onto his lap, "He's safe, see?"

"Yeah," he nodded, taking Eden in one arm, Roger in the other, "Safe."

“You pair look after each other, yeah?” Ruth looked to Roger and waited for him to nod, “Good, I’ll be back with some food for you both. Eddie too if he’s awake.”

“Thank you,” Roger smiled a little, watching her go before shifting more onto the bed, “Get in, we can just cuddle for a bit, me you and him, yeah?”

“Please.”

Roger was half asleep by the time anything was sorted out properly, Brian's arm locking him in place; not that he was planning on leaving, Brian wasn't best left alone right now.

Eden had been up a couple of times, still a little poorly, but getting better after the medicine, and Brian had managed to relax enough for some pasta Ruth had made for the pair of them.

Roger had still been awake when he heard Brian's parents talking, various phone calls going off downstairs - something being done perhaps. Vaguely he thought he heard John too, his ever calm voice explaining something.

Probably he was handing them the evidence, an apology for abandoning Brian.

Either way, the house was quiet by the small hours of the morning, just Brian's breathing and Eden's occasional gurgle.

He woke up to a knock on the door though, Harold opening it before anyone could reply. Roger didn't know what to do, he figured he'd be in trouble, being in his sons bed, being the troublemaker of the group.

But the older man shook his head, "Relax, just making sure he's asleep... Tell him it's all sorted, when he wakes up."

"You could tell him yourself," Roger pointed out.

"Not my place," Harold denied, "just let him know she can't go near him. Or the boy."

And just like that he was gone again, leaving Brian to try to work that information out by himself, or work through the emotions of it all. Roger wasn’t going to let that happen though, and he had a feeling Fred and John wouldn’t either.

They waited a while to tell him, a few weeks in the end, Roger wordlessly agreed to the time frame, seemingly on their side as long as they were helping.  
But when they did they'd expected a breakdown, some letting out of emotions or stress. Tears at the very least. But somehow there were none, Brian just nodded, thanking them quietly, going back to his studies.

Brian didn't feel much about it, he'd talk it through with the others later, maybe. Right now he was busy, trying to cram in study before the exams, trying to make sure he'd get to a decent uni, to get a decent job to keep Eden safe from that sort of thing, never taking a risk like that ever again.

There were a few good things coming up too, prom, the band's three big gigs, hopefully the start of uni, hell - Eden's birthday was coming up in a few weeks.

So he packed those thoughts away, tightly.

***

“Happy birthday bubba.” Brian kissed all over his face, picking him up from the crib in his room, “One already? No way, what a big boy you are.”

“Papa!” Eden was clapping at his face excitedly, giggling and squirming away.

Brian set him on his bed, quickly changing his nappy and getting him all dressed up, “You want some pancakes and milk for breakfast?”

“Panas yeah.” The toddler nodded quickly, reaching out to be held.

He thought back to where he was this time last year, sitting in the car feeling sick - heading over to meet a child that he’d planned on never seeing again - thinking he’d made the worst mistake in the history of mankind, wondering what would happen. 

But now it felt silly.

The change had happened gradually, but by Christmas that same year, when Eden had been a few months old, he’d had his mates back - more or less; he had a family around him. He knew they were having problems, all of them, but they seemed to be tighter than ever now, and that tightness only seemed to grow stronger and stronger.

“Dadada,” Eden babbled, arms waving wildly, “Bwefas!”

“That’s right,” Brian smiled, bringing him back into his arms, “Breakfast, then you can see your uncles, and nanna made you some cupcakes.”

His mum had ended up giving in after the whole ordeal with Eden's biological mum, he was balancing school and baby reasonably well and the baby was starting to pick up the negative atmosphere - so she just gave in, Brian was her baby after all, she was still a mother. Started holding Eden for small amounts of time at first, offering to look after him for an afternoon even. She had to admit he was kind of irresistible, all curls and smiles.

Brian set Eden down in his little playpen while he made breakfast - it was Saturday, so he didn’t have any school work. He could spend the whole day with his boy.

“Oi oi!” Roger tapped on the window, “Let me in, I wanna give Maps a cuddle.”

Brian rolled his eyes, a smile gracing his features anyway, quickly heading to the door, “Morning, I assume you want fed too.”

“You assumed correctly,” Roger gave him a quick hug, “Fred’s still asleep at John’s - I think the driving lesson went tits up yesterday, stressed him out.”

“I’m still dreading doing my test,” Brian admitted, letting them in, “Theory went well, it’s just the actual thing I’m worried about.”

“It’ll be fine, I can watch Maps for you if you want.” Roger offered. For some reason he’d never fallen under the uncles category like the others; despite being closer to Eden, he seemed to just be Roger. Or Woggie more correctly.

Or Woga as Brian had figured out and proceeded to have a hissy fit about.

“I think mum should be happy to,” He went back to the pan, making up some extra for Roger, “But if not I’ll text you.”

“How’s my little curly?” Roger said from the livingroom, he’d clearly found the penned in toddler, “Are you excited?”

“Woggie! Pana fo bwefas!” Eden told him happily, hands reaching up to him, “Huggies?”

“No idea what the first bit was, mate, but I’ll give you hugs.” Roger picked him up, ruffling his hair, “Brimi you really need to cut his hair - and yours. Get Fred to do it if you don’t want to go somewhere.”

“I kinda don’t mind my hair long,” Brian shrugged, looking down at them, “And I was going to cut his, but I just couldn’t. All the little wisps are too precious, I couldn’t bring myself to.”

Roger shook his head, somehow that made him pang a bit - he knew Brian was just the most gentle dad, but little reminders just made his heart burst. He distracted himself helping Eden to walk around, holding his arms so he wouldn’t fall.

“Here we go,” Brian plated some pancakes for them, cutting Eden’s up in a plastic plate, “Banana slices and strawberry too, chocolate sauce coming up - Roger do you want tea?”

“Sure,” he brought the toddler in with him, knowing by now how to get him into the chair, “Making more?”

“I’ll leave some in the fridge for when mum and dad come down,” Brian shook his head, “Just as a little thank you for well, for letting me make today about him I suppose.”

“Right,” Roger nodded, so he still had a bit of guilt about him then, “So... Should I give him his present after breakfast? He might get it covered in chocolate.”

“Rog, you know I said you didn’t need to, he won’t remember it, he probably doesn’t even get what’s happening now.”

“Hush,” Roger poked his gently, “I wanted to - found it last week and I had to.”

“Alright, okay, I won’t stop you,” Brian handed him his cup, sitting at the table to make sure Eden got some food in his mouth rather than on the floor, “Yeah after breakfast, I got him a couple of things - I figured he’d enjoy playing with the wrapping paper if nothing else.”

“See that Maps?” Roger looked at him, “See your daddy being the bestest?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, thank you so much for reading, all the kind comments and kudos are so very lovely and they really do mean the world to me. As always, if you have any asks or requests on this head over to my tumblr, same name, and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Also, the next chapter skips forward a bit so just mind that there's about a year of stuff that won't be included, but it'll just half way so hopefully it wont be too confusing.


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